“I can literally accomplish anything right now, as long as I take the risk and commit to the risk and the change that I want to take…” – Yue Xu
The Bucket List Life Podcast Episode #49 – Singlefied.com Dating Coach Yue Xu
In this, episode #49 of The Bucket List Life with Kenyon Salo, we meet the woman behind Singlefied.com, an informative and entertaining blog dedicated to bachelors. Yue Xu is also a dancer, choreographer, swimmer, kick boxer, actor, TV host (for The Gadget Show China), runner, and in her lifetime wants to change how Chinese Cuisine is viewed in the United States. She is bright, focused, enthusiastic and considers herself a “dating sociologist”.
Highlights of their podcast conversation:
4:50 Yue tells us what a guy needs to think about when talking to a woman. Men are naturally focused and targeted, but when it comes to women they have to be aware if they want her because she is a good fit or are they trying to prove something to themselves? Take the time to reevaluate the situation. More on this later.
6:10 1986 – Yue was living in China with her parents. They have nothing but are happy. When everyone around you has what you have you don’t want anything more. “You don’t want anything more because there was no concept of anything more.”
8:40 1989 – Yue comes to the United States. She is eight and they move to East Lansing Michigan. She loved the mid-west and is grateful for her experience “because that was my true exposure to America.”
12:10 1999 – Interviewing for colleges Yue is told by one interviewer that she had become Americanized. It threw her off a little as she thought she had been assimilating. Has she been trying to be American? It was a time for self-reflection.
15:50 Yue decides to do a fascinating experiment. She is curious what factors will help get her hired. Yue sends out resumes with three different first names but uses the same body in the resume. What are the names she used, which name gets the most responses and why?
20:05 Singlefied.com? How did it start? In 2007 Yue’s boyfriend of 5 years proposes, her first response? “No.” She wonders why she spent 5 years with a man she was never going to marry in the first place. She wants to figure it all out, not just for her but for him. Yue reflects on expectations, relationships, how your family relationships affect your romantic relationships and so much more. She happens to talk with a guy in New York about their dating lives and he asks her if he can set up a business relationship where he can discuss dating issues with her and pay her for her time. Once she figures out this is not a shady deal she says yes, and thanks to word of mouth Singlefied.com is born and grows.
25:40 “It’s not so much how to get women, its how to keep relationships and how to pick the right women to be in a relationship with.” Yue’s advice is to focus.
27:35 Learn why Yue thinks there is “…no such thing as a platonic relationship.”
35:50 Yue tells us how everything she has learned has helped her. One of the most important lessons is “You must close the ‘ex files’ before you can move on with your next relationship.” Figure it out and disconnect. “Have your ‘exit interview’, take your learnings to your next relationship and delete your ex out of your life.”
40:55 Yue has learned “I can literally accomplish anything right now, as long as I take the risk and commit to the change that I want to take….Keep your heart and your mind open to things that could be leading you to a direction you never thought you would be going to.”
47:20 How does Yue want to give back? Educating middle school and high school aged children how to communicate and maintain relationships with everyone in their lives, things they may have never been taught as children.
50:20 “How a culture is perceived stems from how their cuisine is perceived.” Yue dreams of a hip chain of restaurants that uses organic fresh ingredients like her grandmother did, has a tech focus and is somewhat high end that will bridge the gap between Chinese and American.
53:00 What are a few things on Yues’ bucket list? She has never had a pet and wants to adopt a dog and name him JZ. She wants to build her parents their dream house and really, really wants to meet Justin Timberlake. “Is that silly??”
55:50 Yue would like to leave us with this thought, “We can’t expect others to do what we would do ourselves.” Don’t place expectations on others the way we think we would handle a situation. It only ends in disappointment.
That wraps up episode #49 of The Bucket List Life Podcast with Kenyon Salo. Please remember to RATE and REVIEW on iTunes and also FOLLOW us on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Feel free to join our Team Bucket List Life Facebook Page and contribute to making the world a better place. Dr Wayne Dyer tells us “The only limits you have are the limits you believe.”
Links and Resources From This Episode:
- Yues’ Dating Coach Website: Singlefied.com
- Yues’ Website: http://www.yuexu.com/
- Yues’ Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/yue.xu.9655
If you liked this episode on Dating and Relationships, you will love these other suggested episodes on The Bucket List Life with Kenyon Salo:
- 46: Appreciating the Simplicity of Relationships with GGP Co-Founder GillianPierce
- 25: The Key to Finding Love Online with Matchmaker Courteney Kay